first - “holy fuck”

you meet him for the first time and the attraction is immediate; it knocks you flat and steals the air from your lungs. the nonsense words are muttered under your breath as you retreat back to your room, your heart an uneven mess. it's okay, right? you can be attracted to people and never act on it. like this though? knoxx, are you sure? you think so ... but the way you think about him as you roll over to face an empty column in your bed makes your skin flush. it’s so easy to imagine him there, wrapped up in your sheets and his head on your pillow, or on your chest, and you do. when you close your eyes, it’s his space and the thought overwhelms you. in need of air, you untrap one leg from under the sheet but your room still feels stifling and and the air feels humid, sticky against your skin - or maybe those are just your thoughts. all you did was shake his hand, how in the hell are you ever supposed to live with him?

second - “explain please”

days later you’re amazed at how easily conversation starts but what’s really surprising, what you really trips you up, is how it never ends. it’s midnight confessions and 3am playlists. it's jokes while you're at work and randomness that bends so easily into things that actually matter. it's laughter, so much laughter that your stomach hurts. it’s 30,000 comments, 101 days, countless nights of everything you never knew you needed but somehow always knew you wanted.

third - “you better ask me out”

this is what comes at the end of a arbitrary 30 day countdown. and he does. there are already dates under your belt but something about the gesture reminds you just how fucking special he is. the effort he puts into getting to know you and subsequent way that he reminds you that he does disarms you. you're a puddle with him more often than you're used to and so god damn mushy. but there's not a single thing about him that makes you want to shut your mouth. you're still not an open book but he's patient, you're still quiet but he's always understanding.

fourth - "who are you?"

the love of your life, he answers and all you can do is smile - as the weighted strings holding your heart tremble and then snap, letting your heart free fall into the pit if your stomach - because you know he's right.

"HOW DID WE GET HERE? WHY, OF ALL THE PEOPLE ON THE PLANET, DID YOU AND I SEEK COMFORT IN ONE ANOTHER?"

lmfao who the fuck are we, what universe is this, what the hell is going on

idk idk kahl. let’s embrace it together. take a shot and toast the universe for new beginnings

the word shot made my whole stomach so unhappy

lmaooo a shot of water kahl or green juice

knoxx i just found a piece of chocolate in my bed and it's smeared all over my sheets and duvet and i'm honestly so heartbroken but happy that i'm lying willingly in this chocolate right now

this sounds like maybe there was a good time being had

lmfao with a PIECE OF CHOCOLATE, KNOXX, GOD, DO YOU STOP

WHY DO YOU ASK QUESTIONS THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS TO??

I'M TRYING TO CENSOR YOUR MIND OF FILTH AND SPARE MY INNOCENCE

oh yeah okay your innocence

lmfaoo not even worth the debate

that's right, you're not fooling anyone in this conversation

wow WOW but i can't even deny it given where i went yesterday

"yesterday" she says, like it's the first time i've been privy to such thoughts

polishes off her halo and crown, she's a queen and a goddess and beyond this dragging

"HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW. BUT I LIKE TO THINK THAT THE UNIVERSE BROUGHT US TOGETHER FOR A REASON. THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP EACH OTHER GROW INTO THE PEOPLE WE WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BECOME."